Camp Fam

I have been seriously convicted about my parenting.  I have been very frustrated with myself.  I know that    there are no perfect parents.  I don't expect to be one.  However, I don't want to expect perfect children either.  I have found myself yelling.  A lot.  I am a loud person by nature.  But my tone has just been so unloving.  I have had such frustration with my girls.  And my patience level has been virtually nonexistent.  Now, there are a few things you should know before you start judging me.  I have had NO sleep in the last three years.  No, really.  Since I got pregnant with Adelaide, I have not slept.  But, I am not the only tired Mama out there.  I have a husband who works about 11 hours a day.  He gets up, eats breakfast and runs.  He comes home and the kids are going to bed.  So I am on my own pretty much all day.  But he is home for breakfast.  I am not a single mother.  These are the things that kept running through my head.  I should be better.  I am not the only one dealing with this.  I don't have it as bad as.... But that was just me stepping into the comparison trap.  Instead of asking God to parent through me, I just berated myself for not being a good enough parent.  But that got me nowhere.  Finally, I decided to give up.  I got down on my knees and cried.  I begged God to take over.  I begged God to change me.  And do you know what happened?  It got crazier.  Things got more insane.  But guess what!  God took over.  I was able to relax in a situation that would have made nuts!  I was able to look at the stuff on the floor and the piles of laundry and just shrug my shoulders.  I have been able to talk to kids in a quiet voice, and slowly, they are responding.  They are not waiting for me to yell to obey.  They are changing too!  Now, it's not perfect and like I said, I don't expect it to be.  I have days where I call Bobby in tears because Zeb won't nap and the two year olds are fighting and Ava and Lexie won't do their school work.  But that's ok.  It's part of this whole we don't have to be perfect thing.  It's not an anything goes deal either.  There is still discipline.  But it's not that Mommy has yelled to the point that I can't even remember what I threatened or that what I threatened is even manageable.  God is changing me.  And God is changing my parenting.  And God is changing my kids by changing me.  I am not perfect.  And I accept that.  But I am working.  And I will continue to work.  And God is working and He will continue to work.  I'm not done yet.  And that is a freeing thought.